


Growth

by homeboundrunnerfive



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Female Runner Five, Secret Santa 2018, Spoilers for Season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 07:12:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17137322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homeboundrunnerfive/pseuds/homeboundrunnerfive
Summary: ”Your route is clear, but I swear to God if I see as much as a shadow in that warehouse, you are turning back.”Sara shoots Five a playful look over her shoulder, and Five bites her lip to keep quiet, feeling the corners of her mouth curving into a smile.”Will do, Sam. Come on, Five,” Sara says, breaking into a run. ”Let’s see if we can make it back before sundown.”-Sometimes loss is only unfathomable pain. Sometimes loss is also growth.-Five not so chronological snapshots of the relationships of Five, Sara and Sam (plus a cameo of the one and only Simon Lauchlan) throughout the seasons at exactly 1000 words a piece. Do you know what the double pink paeonia lactiflora is commonly called? Spoilers for the entirety of Season 4. This is my Christmas gift for Aasimarr at tumblr for the Zombies Run Secret Santa 2018!





	Growth

”Stop your complaining, Sam, this is a great plan and also, the only one we’ve got! Five, come along, honey, best to be in position before the fast ones catch up.”

Five follows Sara as she sprints through the abandoned town and into an alleyway between two buildings, forcing a bottleneck for the zombies chasing them a couple of hundred metres back.

” _It is not the only plan we’ve got, and it’s literally the worst plan there is!_ ” Sam splutters frantically. ” _Eight, please, this is too dangerous, there must be at least thirty of them! Just get out of there, we can send you back when there’s not a literal horde of zombies chasing you!_ ”

Sara laughs and manoeuvres Five in front of her, pulling her handgun out of the holster. ”Nonsense. Nothing like a little slaughter to get your blood pumping, eh, Five?” She winks, pulling on the safety switch.

”Now, Sam, Five and I will need to coordinate without any distractions, so you’ll have to quiet down for a bit, I think I hear the fast ones coming around,” Sara says and claps a hand down on Five’s shoulder. ”Best to be conservative with ammo these days, and this darling does make a lot of noise. You dispatch of the zombies as they file in, and I’ll thin the herd as necessary. And duck down when I tell you to, wouldn’t want to shoot you in the back of the head after a run like this!”

” _This is crazy, absolutely insane, you — You’re risking both your lives for cables and wires! Five, please talk some —_ ”

”If you can’t stay quiet, I’ll have to switch off the headsets so we won’t be distracted, and consequently, possibly maimed by zombies, which I know is something all of us would like to avoid.” Sara squares her shoulders and widens her stance. ”Get ready, Five!”

With a swift blow Five severs the head of the first zombie racing into the alleyway and immediately drops into a crouch as Sara fires off two rounds behind her, hitting her targets perfectly between the eyes. Five straightens and uses the momentum to strike out at the remaining fast zombie and lodges the blade of her axe in its skull. One firm kick to the torso pulls it loose, and she backs closer to Sara to get ready for the next wave.

The groaning grows louder and six zombies turn the corner, dressed in relatively white lab coats. Five charges at the leading zombie but fails to drive the axe all the way through the neck, most likely due to the comparative lack of decomposition. Spreading her weight for a more stable stance, she swings the axe and the attached zombie into the brick wall, knocking her weapon free.

”Down!” Sara shouts, and Five ducks. She can almost feel the bullets grazing the top of her head as they sail through the air, dispatching of two of the more fresh-looking zombies. Sparing a moment, Five glances backwards.

Sara looks indestructible. Standing tall with both hands on her firearm. A few strands of hair have worked their way out of confinement and frames her face. There’s a certain gleam in her eye and the hint of a smile playing on her lips. She’s beautiful and fierce.

Moving in tandem, they put down each wave as they come and soon there is a small wall of decaying bodies that hinder the less spatially competent zombies, making work easy for Five as they come tumbling. Sara has holstered her pistol and assists Five in close combat, confidently wielding her homemade weapon with sharp precision. In less than forty-five minutes, the small horde has been disposed of and corpses litter the alleyway.

There is a moment of silence as they catch their breath.

”Good work, Five,” Sara says, grinning, and shakes some detritus off of her leg before offering her a hand up. ”I’d call this a triumph, but I’m sure our dear operator would have something to say about that.”

” _I would, actually!_ ” Sam huffs as Five wipes her axe clean on the white coat of one of the closer zombies. ” _That was reckless, stupid, and completely unnecessary! Why would you go out of your way to face down zombies? It’s completely insane!_ ”

Sara tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and starts moving between the zombies, keeping a watchful eye for movement. "It was hardly unnecessary, Sam. You know as well as I do that the place would’ve been cleaned out by New Canton before we could have mounted another run, and Janine was very clear about how badly we needed to replenish our electrical supplies. Something about keeping our comms station operational, if I recall correctly.”

Five keeps her mouth shut and follows in Sara’s footsteps, clearing the zombies and stepping out into the deserted street.

” _You can’t be serious! You know we don’t risk runners like that for supplies! Never_!”

”Well, we haven’t actually gotten any supplies yet, so at the moment we’ve only performed a public service by cleaning up the streets, so why don’t you be a dear and check those cams of yours to make sure our path to the warehouse is clear?” Sara replies cheekily, setting off into a casual jog. ”Besides, we had it covered. Five and I make a great team, don’t you agree?”

Sam groans agitatedly and Five can perfectly picture him tugging on his hair in frustration. She’d feel more guilty if the adrenaline pumping through her system didn’t overwhelm her rationality.

” _Your route is clear, but I swear to God if I see as much as a shadow in that warehouse, you are turning back._ ”

Sara shoots Five a playful look over her shoulder, and Five bites her lip to keep quiet, feeling the corners of her mouth curving into a smile.

”Will do, Sam. Come on, Five,” Sara says, breaking into a run. ”Let’s see if we can make it back before sundown.”

 

—

 

”Hey, you. I’ve been looking.”

Five looks up from the ground and squints, barely makes out Sam’s face in the harsh light. She puts down the worn trowel and leans back. ”I’ve been here.”

”Clearly. You look more dirt than human at this point.” Five narrows her eyes and tries to shoot him a dirty look at the slanderous statement, but is blinded by the afternoon sun. ”Anyway, Janine’s sucking all the air out of the comms shack and we needed a breath of fresh air, so take a little break from whatever crazy hard work you’ve volunteered yourself for on your rest day and sit with us,” Sam says, a knowing smile playing on his lips.

Wiping the sweat from her brow, Five shields her eyes with a gloved hand and sees that Sam is holding his daughter in his arms, wrapped in a blue blanket. Without waiting for an answer he walks to the shade a few yards away and plops down on what could not even generously be called a bench.

Five pulls off her gardening gloves and gets to her feet, pins and needles in the legs after staying low for several hours. She peeks at the bundle in Sam’s arms as she sits down, wondering if the reason the baby is so quiet is because she’s asleep.

”She wouldn’t go down for her nap and Maxine really needed a break, so here we are.” Sam says and fusses with keeping the blanket wrapped tightly. Five says nothing, leans a touch closer and smiles softly at the sleeping baby.

”So, I’ve been up to my elbows in babysitting all morning, and then Maxine came by and dropped Sara off.” Sam says, starting to chuckle at his own joke before he could even finish it. Five rolls her eyes at the lazy attempt at comedy and makes a face at him, wondering if he would be so bold if Janine could hear him. ”What have you been up to?”

”It was just agreed on what plants should go where for the crop rotation this year, so we are replanting,” Five says, pulling her brimmed hat off and carding fingers through her hair. When she’s still, the dirt and grime is more difficult to forget.

”That’s nice. I don’t understand a single thing about why you would need to dig up perfectly good-looking plants and move them all around a few metres, but if it keeps fresh vegetables on my plate I won’t complain,” Sam says loftily and shoots her a playful look.

The baby starts fidgeting in her sleep, so Sam begins to gently rock her back and forth absentmindedly. ”Carlisle giving you the business about the eastern flower bed still?”

Five thinks back to the last time one of the newer farmers had tried to commander the little patch of space in the corner of the garden. There had been words about the validity of growing flowers rather than something of nutritional value. While she wasn’t necessarily a violent person, even Five had a breaking point. Carlisle pulling at the supports of the plant had earned him a swift punch in the face. She had been chastised, and punished accordingly when she refused to apologise, but in the end her double pink paeonia lactiflora had suffered no damage and continued to grow peacefully.

”No.”

Sam snickers. ”Figures. While I don’t approve of your methods, it was effective. And also, he’s a jerk.”

Five hums in agreement and turns her gaze to the baby, who seems to have settled back down.  
Round cheeks, small locks of black hair already peeking out beneath the swaddling, tiny mouth slightly open.

”You don’t have to move the flowers around, do you?”

”No. Not now.”

”That’s good.” There’s a lengthy pause, and it’s obvious just by looking that Sam is gearing himself up for something, and it’s not difficult to guess what topic he is deliberating to broach. ”It’s nice, to have a place for her, you know.”

Five clenches her jaw and turns her head away, focusing on the dirt beneath her nails. Sam continues, but she’s sure he noticed, as the casual tone seems a bit more forced. ”I know she liked the ocean and all. For her boys. But for the rest of us, I mean, it’s nice to have a place. To go to.”

Most likely he’s trying to gauge how willing she is to have this conversation, as uncomfortable as it makes him. She doesn’t blame him for his apprehension. It’s not difficult to recall the extreme measures she has taken in the past to avoid it.

Words have never been her forte. Five sorts through her surface thoughts, aware that she will not be able to put them into words accurately. Fear, because she has displayed weakness, which can be exploited. Love, for people that still care for others for reasons beyond simple survival. Guilt, that she is still broken while others seem to have mended.

Her eyes turn eastward.

”Yeah. It’s nice to be here.”

It’s not a lie, nor the entire truth.

After a subtle glance, Sam seems to decide not to further press the issue. He simply inches a little closer on the wooden plank, motioning for her to take the sleeping baby. Careful to support her head, Five gently rocks Sara from side to side.

Noticing his eyes on her, Five decisively ignores it in favour of committing every detail of the child in her arms to her memory. It will never be lost to her, and it is something for Five to keep.

”Some other time?” he says after a while.

There’s an unspoken and quite impossible stalemate between them, where the unstoppable force of Sam meets the immovable object that is Five. He’ll always ask, and she may never know how to explain the process of her grief.

”Some other time.” Five replies.

She doesn’t say more after that. The flowers growing will have to be answer enough.

 

—

 

Five barely saves herself from collapsing on the track as she gives in to exhaustion, laying down flat on her back. Sweat is beading along her hairline, more of it plastering her tank top uncomfortably against her ribcage. The sensation of gravel digging into her skin is pleasantly dull, and Five’s grateful to be alone as she breathes heavily. There’s not even a gust of wind to be found.

She takes a moment to admire the starlit sky. It is always beautiful, no matter what goes on down on the ground.

Unsure of how much time has passed since she started doing sprints, Five looks to what she approximates is east and estimates that it is most likely closer to morning than midnight. Plenty of time to behave responsibly and get some sleep before her scheduled afternoon run.

Instead, Five searches the sky for Orion’s belt. She has no idea where to look for it or if it’s even possible to see it this time of year, but it keeps her thoughts occupied with things besides unjustifiable anxiety.

Only mere minutes pass before the calm is broken by a figure in the distance. Five can’t hear their footsteps, nor has she taken her eyes off the darkened sky, but it doesn’t matter. There is very little in her surroundings that goes by unnoticed these days, a particular point of pride.

Five knows better than to hope they aren’t headed this way.

”Good to know today wasn’t enough to tire you out, Five,” says a familiar voice as the figure towers over Five, silhouette framed by the moonlight.

Pleasantly surprised, she gives Runner Eight a hesitant wave as she settles down a comfortable distance away. Five is aware there are certain restrictions on movements within Abel after dark, and that someone else might have blown the whistle on her. It’s been some time since they’d recovered her ID from the helicopter, but she still operates with a degree of care and caution that other residents might have surrendered. Skeptics might have been concerned that Five was up to no good, speculating about the reasons for sneaking around after sunset.

For better or for worse, Runner Eight is clever enough to guess why.

”I never needed much sleep before all this, and I can’t say things have changed,” Runner Eight muses, leaning back on her hands. ”Restless isn’t quite the right word, but impatient isn’t any better.”

Five doesn’t quite know what to say. If her companion can’t find the words, chances are Five won’t either. Communication has never been her strong point, and Runner Eight is more difficult to read than most people. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Runner Eight.

”Strange thing though, for you to be so unsettled after a meds run. All I heard from Sam was that we were running low on allergy medication. Or was it penicillin alternates?” Runner Eight says before laughing quietly to herself, shooting a cheeky look in Five’s direction. ”That sweet boy has a heart of gold, but he has a thing or two to learn about the art of deception.”

It doesn’t surprise her much that Sam would be unable to tell a fib properly, nor that Runner Eight would be the one to pick up on it, but it does put her in a somewhat awkward position. Five has a lot to gain by making it clear that her loyalties are with Abel township and its chain of command, and she has deniable plausibility as to why she would agree to a covert run on Dr. Myers orders.

But even so, Five can’t open her mouth. It seems… inhumane. For all she knows, Dr. Myers is still in the comms shack listening to the recording of Dr. Cohen.

So instead of answering, Five shrugs and tries not to look bothered. She can feel Runner Eight watching her closely with a twinkle in her eye that is more unsettling than not. Silence stretches between them for longer than Five is comfortable with.

”I could spend my time worrying about a newcomer running unauthorised missions, I suppose. As one of the few remaining researcher doctors after day zero, I imagine there would be no shortage of offers coming her way. Can’t think of any place that wouldn’t try to recruit her, actually, so there is at least some cause be worried about Dr. Myers using the communication equipment under the radar.” Runner Eight’s tone is airy, perfectly casual, yet there’s a power to her words that has Five on edge. ”But the way I see it, Sam is one of the good guys. Loyal to a fault, that one. A little gullible, maybe, but not stupid. I reckon if he’s involved, there’s no need for me to worry. So I won’t pry.”

Five chances a quick glance at Runner Eight, and immediately regrets it, averting her eyes. There’s a softness to her face that’s new and terrifying, piercing straight through Five. Her stomach clenches painfully and if she could sink through the ground, she would.

”And I take it you’re not too keen on sharing, by the looks of you,” Runner Eight continues gently. There’s a lump in Five’s throat, growing with each step Runner Eight takes. When she crouches by Five’s side, trying to catch her eye, it’s almost difficult to breathe properly. Silently, Five prays she’ll be spared from any more talk. She’s barely holding it together.

”This world is for the strong, Five. Become strong enough to carry others, or live with the fact that others will have to carry you.”

Five opens her mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. Runner Eight gives her a weary smile and gets to her feet, dusting herself off. She nods once at Five and then sets off for the track, running in circles at a leisurely pace.

When Five feels bold enough to move, Runner Eight is sprinting even faster than Five had ever seen her run before.

 

—

 

This was not Five’s day.

The worst part of it is that had it just been her and Sara, she might have actually enjoyed the chance to put their skills and teamwork to the test. They’ve been on quite a streak lately, even if Sam wouldn’t call it that.

But it’s not just her and Sara today. And Five is not resentful about it.

”Okay, so this is a little bad. I don’t really know about you guys, but I’m feeling like the roof was a bad idea. I regret the choice to go for the roof. A lot. Not to point fingers. But we should’ve gone through the warehouse. Like I said. Because this roof sucks,” Simon pants out between breaths, leaning his hands on his knees as sweat drips down his nose. Behind him, the barricaded door is groaning with effort at holding back the disgustingly fresh zombies that had chased them onto the roof in question.

He’s mostly right, but Five would very much like it if he kept quiet about it.

She quickly wipes off her forehead and tries to keep a lid on her growing frustration, while Sara opts for glaring daggers at Simon in between looking around for possible escape routes. Even without Sam’s updates it is apparent to the three of them that the building is mostly surrounded. The wheezing moans of the undead are coming from what feels like everywhere. It’s not made any better by Simon’s intensely aggravating way of dealing with stress at a possibly imminent death, and unfortunately this behaviour is only one of the many grievances that Five has with him about this run.

” _Would you stop it, I swear to God, I told you! You wouldn’t have made it out, the doors are rusted shut! Runner Six nearly got overrun last time she was here!_ ” Sam argues agitatedly, obviously similarly stressed by the situation. ” _The only option was th—_ ”

”I could have gotten it —”

”Holy — Would you two shut your gobs for one second?” Sara snaps, silencing their bickering and waving Five over to inspect a sad-looking wooden ladder. ”Five, come look at this. Think it’s long enough to reach to the other building? The door down is wide open. If we can get down through there, we could take the east exit and circle back through the shopping mall.”

In Five’s opinion, Simon’s stupid thick head is more solid than the ladder. She puts her foot on it, and before even half of her weight is resting on the rung it groans pitifully, creaking beneath her trainer. Five shakes her head as Sara clicks her tongue, getting back to scanning their surroundings.

The way Five sees it, there are two options remaining. Ideally, they’d get to the roof of the other nearby building, but the distance between them makes jumping across nigh impossible even without heavy backpacks. The first option would be to try to fight their way back down the way they came, which means close combat in a slim stairwell with approximately a dozen newly reanimated naturalists. Five doesn’t care for those odds. The second option would be to drop onto the extension of this building, but it’s a fairly long way down and the aluminum roof of the extension does not look trustworthy in terms of durability.

Neither solution is remotely appealing, but one is slightly less awful.

”I think we’re out of time and out of options. We’ll have to jump down the add-on roof and hope for the best.” Sara decides, echoing Five’s train of thought.

”That’s all well for you ladies, but I’m 1,95 and built like a god, come on, look at that filmsy thing. I’ll go right through that and break every bone in my very beautiful body, so an alternate would be great. Because I want to live, specifically.”

Five suddenly has a short but intensely vivid vision of herself repeatedly punching Simon in the groin.

”Wise-ass. Lord, give me strength.” Sara mutters under her breath, before turning to adress him properly. ”You’ll jump, or I’ll push you. So let’s not make this difficult, darling. At this rate, we won’t make it back before dark, so hop to it and get over here before I do something we will all regret.”

” _Guys, seriously, if you don’t make a decision fast, you might not make it back at all,_ ” Sam says hurriedly through the patchy connection. ” _There’s a larger pack northwest that seems to be moving in your direction. You’ll have a literal horde bearing down on you in less than fifteen minutes at this rate. You have to get moving!_ ”

Five and Sara exchange nods before stepping onto the edge of the building in one synchronised motion. Unsurprisingly, their third wheel doesn’t follow suit and Five is so frustrated that she could literally strangle him. Simon clears his throat — she can see him gearing himself up to argue, most likely for the sake of it — and Sara sighs loudly before reaching for her gun holster. Five’s almost certain it’s for show, but in all honesty this mission has been an exercise in frustration for all three of them and tensions are high. Simon makes a very exaggerated face at the gesture and tops it off with a hand clutching at his chest. When he receives no discernible reaction, Simon grumbles and walks over to join.

” _Eight, if you would be so kind to start us off, before I get a heart attack. Or before the creepy naturalist zombies bust through the door,_ ” Sam huffs before rattling off which directions are clear once they drop down from the extension.

While Sara secures the straps of her backpack tightly around her waist, Five unceremoniously throws hers off the roof and launches herself after it, smoothly rolling to her feet.

” _Awesome, Five!_ ” Sam whoops excitedly in her ear as Five turns around to subtly check if Sara was looking.

The grin on her face says she was.

 

—

 

A fog settles over Five, and she moves through routine protocol with a strange detachment. Behind her the remainder of the group stumbles through the gates, welcomed with covering gunfire picking off a few shamblers they’d picked up en route back to Abel. The sound is dull to her ears.

No need for bite checks, no supplies to sort through, and no need for reports.

Five can see people looking uncertainly at each other, unsure of how to act now that the service had been completed and everyone had returned home safe and sound. She watches them though a film of grey. Some look like they still want comfort and the company of others. Others seem to leave their grief at the gates and task themselves with moving forward. Turning sharply, Five marches away from the gates and towards the runner’s barracks. Someone calls out for her, but she keeps walking.

The small package is still tucked safely in the elastic of her sports bra.

When she gathers clean clothes and her small allowance of shower supplies it’s as though there are strings attached, pulling her hands through the motions, tugging at her legs to walk towards the showers. Five slips the package into a small plastic bag before wrapping it in her sweaty shirt once she pulls the shower curtain closed. Sara would’ve wanted her to be cautious. Better hidden on her person than in her room, for now.

She looks at the water pooling at her feet, blinks it out of her eyes, feels it dripping down her spine. The temperature goes from warm to tepid before she can tear her eyes away from the tiles, and the remainder of her allotted time is spent staring at the ceiling while cold water cools her body temperature.

Getting dressed. First underwear, a clean sports bra, then socks, a worn pair of blue jeans and a soft sweater that isn’t hers but makes her heart ache. Five stuffs the package down the pouch pocket of the sweater, holding on with both hands.

She hastily hangs her dirty clothes on a nail in the wall of her room and leaves quickly, careful to keep her eyes on the ground and away from the numbers on the doors. Five can hear muffled sobbing from one of the rooms she passes, but she barely registers it, and she doesn’t stop.

The earth beneath the soles of her trainers feels hard as she makes her way through the township. Like every other day, people are moving about in accordance to their schedules, each person contributing in their own way. Each person doing their very best and trying their very hardest. Different sounds bounce off her, all overwhelmed by a ringing tone in her ears growing stronger and stronger.

It only stops when she finds herself in front of the small garden, and complete silence settles over Five like a blanket as she sinks to her knees. The garden is the one place is Abel she had always been able to feel a little bit more at peace with herself and the person she might be becoming.

She reverently lays her hands flat on the soil, careful not to disturb the vegetation and closes her eyes, imagining how she would like to rip through this place like a fucking tornado, laying complete waste to everything that reminds her of Sara. How she would like to set fire to this place and watch as the flames turned it all to ash. Tear the fences down to let zombies walk among the vegetables. Five desperately wants to rip every single growing plant out of the soil with her bare hands, break every piece of equipment in sight and salt the earth so nothing will ever grow here again.

Her hands start shaking and she puts them on top of her thighs instead, breathing slow and deep. This place can never be a place of peace for her again. It doesn’t take more that a single glance to remember the two of them here. It makes her feel violently ill. Her friend is gone. They’ve put her to rest in the ocean.

Five bows her head and squeezes her eyes shut.

Someone is talking to her, but Five can’t be bothered to listen. Instead she just fixes her eyes on a beet plant a few feet away, thinking about peeling the basal leaves off the stems and shredding them into nothing.

A hand is softly placed on her shoulder and the wave of anxiety that crashes over her at the touch is paralysing. It feels like the warmth of her body is being leeched out of her through the point of physical contact.

”I’m sorry,” says Sam as he sinks down to his knees beside her in the dirt, pulling his hand away. There’s a minute of silence. Five can see from the corner of her eye that he’s looking to the sky with a distant look in his eyes. ”Do you want to talk?”

Five doesn’t move. She doesn’t know what she wants that she can actually have.

”Do you want some company?” he asks after another minute or so, having apparently interpreted her silence.

Five can feel the tears start to well up in her eyes and she blinks furiously, keeping her head down and clenching her fists. Sam shuffles around to sit with his legs crossed and leans back on his hands, pointedly looking at the clouds. The rise and fall of his chest is slow, and Five pulls herself back by painstakingly matching her breathing to the calm rhythm of his.

The sun moves across the sky while they sit, and she can slowly feel the fog around her lifting.

Five mimics Sam, leaning back on her hands and turns her gaze at the wispy clouds. She can feel their fingers touching and see the corner of his mouth turn up slightly.

She’ll come to love the garden again, when the hurt is softer.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I tried combining both Five/Sara and Five/Sam to include as much as possible of your wishlist preferences, with a small cameo of Simon because he is always golden but also... complicated... to write. This was a lot of fun, less Christmas-themed than I intended, more difficult than I would have thought, but I also quite liked the result. 
> 
> I hope this was also to your liking and happy holidays, Aasimarr!


End file.
